Life As An All-You-Can-Eat Buffet with Diana Place

Speaker 1: 0:05

Hi, I'm Jane Leder, host of Older Women and Friends. You know, when it comes right down to it, I find aging to be a complex affair Highs, lows and everything in between. But as I see it, the one constant is change, and the key is how we adjust, how we transition. Do we start a new career, write that book we've had rolling around in our heads for years, move to warmer climbs, to be near our grandchildren, continue teaching or researching or coaching other women, or do we just hang out, travel and have a good time? The guests on Older Women and Friends have many stories to tell, to share, about what they've been up to and what they've learned along the way. So turn up the volume and join me on Older Women and Friends.

Speaker 1: 1:15

Diana Plays and I have many things in common, but maybe our love of dance is at the top of the list. We love twirling and jumping Well, maybe not jumping Moving with the music, forgetting whatever ails us. Dance is therapy and it's free of charge. So let me tell you a little bit more about Diana. She's the founder of Third Act, quest and the 333 Collective for Women 50+, and she's convinced that the Third Act of a Woman's Life can be the most exciting and meaningful chapter After a health crisis, the big 6-0, and the shutting of her business. She spent time evaluating her life and where she wanted to head, and she's calling on the spirit of her beloved grandmother to leave the way. Diana refers to life as an all-you-can-eat buffet. There's so much to do to make an impact and live a fun and meaningful life, so why listen to me when Diana's here to tell her own story? Diana, welcome to older women and friends.

Speaker 2: 2:29

Oh, jane, thank you. I'm happy to be here with you today, happy to have you.

Speaker 1: 2:35

So what kind of kid were you growing up?

Speaker 2: 2:39

Wow, that's a great question. I, up until the age of five, was totally a free-spirited child. I climbed trees, I chased butterflies, I dug holes and put dog poop in it to catch the neighbor's kids in a little booby trap. I was a fun kid. I loved art, I loved to create, but up until the age of five I say because I think that's the age when so many of us go into, you know, go to school, and are actually started to sort of put in a line and lined up to conform in some way. But as a child I was fun. I still like to say I'm fun, but some of that got tamped down a bit.

Speaker 1: 3:29

So what do you think contributed? Yes, you had to go to school and there was a regimen, and even if you didn't like Miss McGillicuddy who taught math, you still had to deal with it. Was there something important, one event, episode that kind of began to put a kibosh on your free spirit?

Speaker 2: 3:50

There were several. I put them in two categories. One was this is what you should do, this is what you shouldn't do, this is what you know. You don't color outside of the lines. No, trees look smaller than that. You made it bigger than the house, all those kinds of messages around the way we created, the way we thought. I had a more traditional type of teacher experience where I was put into that box. I resisted a bit, but I also had some interpersonal challenges in the very first grade where I made a comment about our teacher and I have to admit the teacher was about my age, probably has the wrinkles I have and I said, oh, our teacher has a wrinkly face and my little friend threatened to tell the teacher every single day and I got punished for talking. It was traumatic, but it was the first time I had been exposed to a woman over my mother's age of 21 years old, or 23 at the time. So it was a fascinating question. You took me down memory lane there.

Speaker 1: 5:00

And I guess my next question would be so that experience, the totality of the experience, how do you think that's carried over as an adult?

Speaker 2: 5:12

I ignited my sense of openness to possibility in many different chapters of my life, Mostly compelled. You mentioned my grandmother, mostly inspired by watching and sort of being her ally in so many things when I was younger, but also as I went away from home and watched her from further afar. But to me I maintain a sense of self and a sense of excitement about life that I've slowly but surely unburied or sort of unearthed every once in a while and let come out. That time was interesting because I had her as a mentor or as someone to look up to and see as living a full life and living a life of possibility, and it was very valuable to me.

Speaker 1: 6:12

And what else about your grandmother? Or I think that at some point we talked about in a pre-interview the contrast between your mother and your grandmother and, without really getting into the dynamics, I'm just curious to know about what that grandmother had that was so wonderful to you and how she really stepped in and was such an influence on you and still is.

Speaker 2: 6:41

Well, I'm curious as I speak to people myself. You know, I'm 64 now and most of my friends and I have discussions about our relationships with our mothers and I would say, of all the people I talked to, like 75%, if I would to put a statistic, were greatly inspired by their grandmothers. You know, parents and mothers have a lot in front of them when you're young, raising you, but I think in my case my mother was at a time so I, you know the 60s prescribed a certain way that a woman was supposed to be and behave. You know, leave it to be. Their mother was the one my mother did not feel she had or I didn't witness an inner flame to explore things that weren't prescribed culturally at the time.

Speaker 2: 7:41

You know, we all know that in those times to women were given more, women were finding more and more opportunities outside of more prescribed ways of living. So my grandmother just defied all cultural expectation and, just to you know, she didn't have a lot of money but she loved antiques and everything I inherited from her is glued together just because she bought it broken and got to possess it. She just did what she wanted. She figured out a way to do everything she wanted she at 82, I believe, she decided to go to Spain, so she took Spanish lessons and she said I'm going to write a book about that. I mean she just said never say never. So I loved that spirit and it was contagious for me.

Speaker 1: 8:32

Lucky girl. So I'm going to switch gears a little bit. And that is you mentioned at one point In fact I think this is a direct quote I used to think that I was the best fear manager around, but recently I have had fears that only my closest friends know about, and that was in response to a pre interview question when I asked you tell me something that nobody else knows about you. So what did you mean by that fear manager? That makes sense, but what's happened recently are, in the most recent past, that called into question your ability to be the best fear manager around.

Speaker 2: 9:21

I commonly tell myself and other women I know that are in our community you know fear belongs in the backseat. You need it in your life to keep you from danger. You know that's built into us. It's an innate tool but you can't let it drive the car. You know you can't let it even be in the passenger seat and try to co-pilot. That's what I think I put in the backseat.

Speaker 2: 9:45

But you know, and I think what I meant when you asked me that I know what I meant was that five years ago I got a rare wild cancer in my head not in my brain, but pretty darn close and it wasn't necessarily preordained that I'd make it through it, let's put it that way and throughout the whole thing I mean you would have thought you would never have known I did not let fear into any cell in my body and I think that helped me prevail through a pretty rigorous kind of treatment. But lately and maybe it's because it's just enough distance behind me to be safe to process it for the very first time that I and I think it coincided with two things I had a weird CT scan at the doctors that ended up being fine at the same week that my daughter moved away to place a few thousand miles away and I all of a sudden said you know, there could be a world where I did not exist for her and I was. Just for the first time I processed it. So I'm telling you this, I've told a couple of my friends this and I think it, I'm feeling okay with sharing it, because I know that's pretty consistent with a lot of us.

Speaker 2: 11:13

You know, we can show the world that we're okay. We can even tell our cells were okay, but it's okay sometimes to let fear in. They just can't drive. It just can't drive. It can be in and I can talk to it and it can talk to me. So that's sort of my thinking about fear in my life.

Speaker 1: 11:33

And I asked you. Okay, so you were not the best fear manager. You're doing much better at it now, but you still do have a fear, and I'll refresh your memory. You said it was not having enough time.

Speaker 2: 11:49

Oh man, yeah, that's a big one. Yeah, thank you for refreshing my memory. One of the things I say is that I see that end zone Like I plan on living for many more years. But I do see that end zone more clearly and focused. Until recently, I've tried to flip it around because I found myself 24 by 7, trying to achieve and do and make things happen in my life and have all these experiences and I started to say, oh my God, there's not enough time. That FOMO forward, fear of missing out on all these things. But it's now forcing me to be more focused and more prioritized and not a scattershot, so I guess that fear is serving me.

Speaker 1: 12:40

And what are some of the things that you would like to do that maybe you don't have enough time right now, but you might next year or you might next month. But I think there's some specific things that you really would like to do that you haven't had a chance to do yet.

Speaker 2: 13:01

There are many.

Speaker 1: 13:03

There are many.

Speaker 2: 13:05

And I will tell you, I feel blessed that I'm able to do a lot of what I love in my work. I get to be creative in the way I work, but I do want more time to purely dive into art and to create. I do have a vision one day I have no idea where it came from I remember sitting on my bed when I was five, putting little colors of tissue paper in front of a lamp and flashing them up on the wall, thinking I could make a movie. I've always had something in me that's wanted to make a movie. I was a photographer for a while. I had a little business, so I still have that vision. I've been. Little scenes pop in my head but I haven't really started it yet. But that's probably a big one. That's a big one for me the creation of a work of art that inspires people and moves people.

Speaker 1: 14:05

And I know that you are very committed to making an impact, as you've said in some small way. So can you tell me what's going on with you now in terms of all the interesting things you're doing, beginning with Third Act?

Speaker 2: 14:24

So Third Act Crest was born about five years ago. Out of a day sitting in the chair, realizing I had a blank slate after the conversions of the cancer, the empty nest and the Big Six-O, and I've been having a blast developing Third Act Crest mission really, which is to reframe the way we all think about and experience aging. I have had a series of annual storytelling events where women of all ages over 50 come forward to talk about how they've carved their path in the world. I like to say you know, the media spends a lot of time focusing on the famous women that are 60, 70, 80 and 90. But these were women. I call them the extraordinary, ordinary women.

Speaker 2: 15:15

So we had a series of storytelling events. Thank you, covid, they were all virtual. This may I'm having an event that's in person. That's really about connecting women in their third act together to be inspired about shaping their lives and thinking creatively about how they live it. Those are the most important to me pulling women together, connecting women together. At this time of life we need each other. We do, we can all be strong and independent, but we need each other and it is a heck of a lot of fun when you're linked arms with other women walking on that path.

Speaker 1: 16:00

So you are putting together this extravaganza in May and some really interesting parts to it, so can you just give listeners a quick rundown of what's going to be going on?

Speaker 2: 16:14

The theme of the event is creative living, and the speakers and the panel discussions are all about innovative, creative ways of living. There's a panel that I. There are two different, really interesting panels. One is around rewriting the story of Life After 50. I've got a number of amazing women that contribute in the world of anti-ageism as well as inspiration for women over 50. I've got also a really cool panel. I call them two pairs of intergenerational women, one in her 80s, one in her 50s and those two pair will get to know each other over these months leading up to the event and then they're going to share what they've learned at the event. We've got a number of breakout sessions, everything from unleashing your sense of adventure or how to deal with and get rid of your financial insecurity Confidence. There's one on sex tech and life. This woman is brilliant, Nancy Shanker. It's called how to Geyser Proof Yourself at Any Age. There's something for everyone, some of it more emotional and serious, some of it just purely inspirational and fun.

Speaker 1: 17:38

And weather permitting. Yes, I think you've got something planned that has to do with water.

Speaker 2: 17:47

Water is a huge element in life. We all know that and that's why it's set on the water in Bristol, rhode Island. But for weather permitting, as you said, knock on wood, we've secured two America's Cup sailboats to take us not just on a nice little sun afternoon sail, but on a sail.

Speaker 1: 18:12

Oh, I didn't know that.

Speaker 2: 18:15

I don't know you too well, but I get a sense that you're up for adventure and that you're open and I think that's what's important and I want to instill in women. You mentioned dancing. We're going to have serious talks and speakers, but we're also going to stand up and dance in between. I have a great playlist I'm putting together. It's going to be fun.

Speaker 1: 18:38

And sounds great. So all of you listeners out there, if you want more information, you can go to what website? I don't have an address.

Speaker 2: 18:47

That's okay. Thirdacquestcom is the main website that has all the different programs. From there you can learn about Quest 2024, which is the name of the event where it's the first annual Thirdac Summit. Quest is going to be held each year in a different place. There is also a link to the 333 Collective and we have a two-month trial where people can just check it out.

Speaker 2: 19:16

And what is that? The 333 Collective is a platform and a place where women can connect and get inspired. But, more importantly, the term collective is so different from community. A lot of people use them interchangeably and the collective is when a group of people come together and are aligned with values and interests, but they all have something different that they want to put forward. So the collective has a range of different members, a lot of different groups. Women thank you again, covid have become more comfortable with Zoom. So there are a lot of Zoom gatherings and there are a lot of different things that we share with each other. So that is growing. That's only two years old. That's growing, and many of the speakers and the women that'll come to the Quest event are members of 333. And that is really a way to make it come alive. I think they've seen each other over Zoom for two years Now. They get to hug each other and laugh and be together in person.

Speaker 1: 20:33

And you said a difference between a collective and a community and you gave a very clear definition of a collective. So, where does a community fit into that?

Speaker 2: 20:45

Well, a community is sort of the umbrella for it. Let's say A community is a group of people coming together for a singular purpose. And yes, we all are coming together for a singular purpose. But each woman and each one of us, we have our own stories, we have our own talents and our own gifts and our own passions to share. So this is a place where we can sort of have that all you can eat buffet, Thank you mentioned. You can explore and learn all different things from each other.

Speaker 1: 21:19

So I guess my last question. You talked about your childhood. You talked about the influence of your grandmother. You talked about coloring outside of the lines, if you will, but we can all have that kind of, or be lucky enough to have that childhood and so forth, but we don't end up in a place like you as a doer, as the person who is instigating all of these things, who's planning, who's organizing. Those are incredibly well-honed skills. They're not skills that a lot of people have, and I'm just wondering at the base, where the heck you get your energy and your drive.

Speaker 2: 22:07

I have always been very passionate about anything that I do. I have always felt, you know, there's a quote from Mary Oliver that I put on my website and it's one that I say to women who are discouraged to sort of jostle them and wake them up. But it's basically tell me, what is it that you're going to do with your one wild and precious life? And that statement alone is about encapsulates my philosophy that this life we have is a gift, no matter what we face, we have a choice in how we experience it, and we have a gift of this life. So I think what fuels me is a deep sense of awe for the world and all of its amazing miracles, but mostly a deep sense of gratitude to be alive. I mean, that just compels me and I want to make the most of it. And I want to in some way every day, even if it's just texting a friend who has a cold. I really love to connect with other people and feel alive, Perfect.

Speaker 1: 23:25

Everybody. Diane is a fabulous person, someone I'm sure you would like to get to know. Thank you so much for doing this. I really appreciate it. I know listeners are going to be psyched and impressed, and I know I am. Thank you very much.

Speaker 2: 23:42

Thank you, Jane. I love meeting you and spending time with you. Thank you.

Speaker 1: 23:52

Thank you for joining me on this episode of Older Women and Friends. And, speaking of friends, please tell yours about this podcast and if you have any suggestions for future episodes or guests or anything else you'd like to share, go to SpeakPipecom. That's S-P-E-A-K-P-I-P-Ecom Forward slash Older Women and Friends. You can send me an audio message or respond to one of mine, because it is your feedback that drives this podcast Until next time.