Speaker 1: 0:05

Hi, I'm Jane Leder, host of Older Women and Friends. You know, when it comes right down to it, I find aging to be a complex affair Highs, lows and everything in between. But as I see it, the one constant is change, and the key is how we adjust, how we transition. Do we start a new career, write that book we've had rolling around in our heads for years, move to warmer climes to be near our grandchildren, continue teaching or researching or coaching other women, or do we just hang out, travel and have a good time? The guests on Older Women and Friends have many stories to tell, to share, about what they've been up to and what they've learned along the way. So turn up the volume and join me on Older Women and Friends.

Speaker 1: 1:14

Jodi Silverman is fun, spirited and on a mission to dare women to weave happiness and joy into their lives. Okay, I understand that may sound like a big ask or even a bit hokey when there's so many challenges in personal lives for women and the world at large, but if anyone can spirit us along, it's Jodi. I met her at a conference earlier this year and I liked it from the get-go. Her enthusiasm is contagious and while her focus is initially on midlife women. Her wisdom relates to women of all ages. Jodi, welcome to Older Women and Friends.

Speaker 2: 2:02

Oh my gosh, I'm going to bring you along with me to networking events and introduce me.

Speaker 1: 2:08

In any case, can you tell us a little bit about your childhood?

Speaker 2: 2:13

Yeah, sure, I mean I, you know, when I think back on my childhood, I had fun. I had fun and people and people who know me say but your parents were like divorced when you were little because my parents were separated together, separated together and yet I loved my childhood. I grew up in a row home near the Northeast, northeast Philadelphia. I think it's the greatest way to grow up in a row home neighborhood. There were kids my age everywhere. All we did was play. I loved playing. I was a tomboy, I excelled at play and there was always somebody to play with and everybody was out there and every mom was your mom and it was just, it was easy and it was free and we could just go outside and just be out there playing. Where I grew up, I loved I would go. That's the place. When you have that icebreaker question, jane, if there's one place you would go back to in time, where would it be?

Speaker 1: 3:08

That's where it would be and, based on your description, it sounds like, as you or I said, very spirited, interested in meeting people having a great time playing. Do you think that that positive attitude is what served as the foundation?

Speaker 2: 3:30

Yes, absolutely. And you know, back then I didn't know I had a positive attitude, I didn't know that I had a natural ability to be happy even when things were a little difficult in my world. And I really do believe that friends and play were the catalyst to me being able to navigate hard and difficult emotions in times of my life and that they still come into for lack of a better word, no pun intended. They still come into play for me today. Those people who follow me, jane and you got to see a little bit of it when we met. It's very important for me that fun. Fun is a word, it's a value. It's a value for me. I have to have fun. It doesn't mean that every aspect of my business is fun, but if the end result I'm having fun, I can do difficult things.

Speaker 1: 4:21

Tell me a little bit about your professional journey.

Speaker 2: 4:25

So, yeah, that's interesting. So right out of college I'm going to do the short version. Right out of college, I went to work in retail because I was going to eventually, after a year in retail for somebody else, help run a franchise retail store with my mother and my stepfather. After nine months of unloading tractor trailers at Toys R Us, I decided no, I'm going to go into sales Because it was either retail sales or outside sales and the retail business I was going to go into wasn't going to happen anymore. So I found myself an outside sales job. I sold direct mail, marketing, advertising, and it was where I belonged. And then that led me to a bigger company and I was there for about 10 years.

Speaker 2: 5:09

I had a very successful career. I got to walk around and meet business owners all day. It was retail. I walked in and out of retail shops, I would park my car when cold calling in person was a thing and I would literally walk in a strip center in and out of stores all day. I got to talk to businesses, learn about them, help them achieve goals, and I loved it Until I was pregnant with my second child.

Speaker 2: 5:37

I was able, after my daughter Ellie was born, to navigate and negotiate a part-time working schedule. And then, after Daniel came about year two of Daniel things got difficult. I still loved what I did, but it got demanding. I was going to have to clock in full time and that's when my husband came up with a suggestion and I opened my very first business. I didn't know it was entrepreneurship, but I began to sell commercial printing services. You don't have to get what that's into, but it allowed me to work from home, be more present in my children's lives and still earn an income and still have those adult conversations that I really needed in the outside world. So that was like the first phase of my business. And then fast forward. My daughter is a senior in high school, we're really fast forwarding.

Speaker 2: 6:32

I mean, really that's what happened. I mean, I had my silver graphics was my commercial print brokering business. I loved it. It afforded me the flexibility. I picked up a hobby that has turned into a love of a sport, of tennis, because I had the flexibility. And yet when I saw that Empty Nest was quickly approaching, I found myself wondering and asking myself you know, when both of my children are gone and I even have even more space in my life, is what I'm doing enough, and do I like it enough? And the answer was no. I really wasn't enjoying selling printing anymore. Things had changed in the sales world.

Speaker 2: 7:14

I'm a relationship person. Most people didn't want that anymore. They want email me. You know, email was a big thing. It wasn't even like texting. And I asked that question, jane, and I tell people this all the time you didn't get quiet in a quiet space and just be. That was one of the dares you heard me share to just be. Questions like that can pop up and it might be uncomfortable to come to the realization that this business that I created myself and I still have clients is not what I wanted to do. And yet I didn't know what I would do if I didn't have it. However, just asking the question and being really honest with myself, saying this is not enough for me, allowed me to be open to receive an opportunity when it was presented to me that I don't think I would have been open to had I not had that reflection.

Speaker 1: 8:06

So what was that opportunity? It?

Speaker 2: 8:08

was a never say never moment. I never say never. I was invited to see a business, which is what I'm doing these quote marks as I talk to you in the network marketing, multi-level marketing industry, where some people call it direct sales. You know, like Arbonne or Amway, people know, and I had never been approached about a business like this before. But, like many other people out there, I was told you're here, but don't do one of those things. It's a pyramid scheme. It doesn't work.

Speaker 2: 8:41

And, truth be told, jane, I have two women who are super smart and who I respect at a very high level are the ones that said Jordi, can we share this with you? They had started the business and I said yes. And I sat there and I looked at their presentation. I thought, well, I don't understand what's wrong with this. This makes total sense to me because, from where I came from, in a sales organization I had a sales manager. He managed a team of us 10 of us. He got his salary and he made a percentage of our sales. That's what direct sales is building a team of other people and everybody benefiting from that. So it made a lot of sense to me and it was in energy services. So again, it was services, not a product. I've always been in sales of services advertising, direct mail, marketing, printing, now energy.

Speaker 2: 9:38

I said yes to that business and my world changed in ways I never imagined, because for anybody out there listening and there's a lot of people who have been in direct sales and they don't admit it, they keep it quiet because there's still a stigma to it it opens up the doors to personal growth and development. It's like the college I should have gone to. And when I say personal growth and development, first of all you're surrounded by people, everybody in the direct sales industry. They want to better themselves. So it's personal growth and development.

Speaker 2: 10:21

Like Darren Hardy, brene Brown, jim Rohn, all the good ones Stephen Covey, napoleon Hill I never knew of any of these men and these women and I read the books and all of a sudden I started learning and becoming more self-aware of why I did things I did, why I felt the way I felt, maybe why I was fearful and how to maybe navigate the fear and question my limiting beliefs and my self-talk. And it just opened up the world. I changed, I became more confident, I was surrounded by like-minded people and it introduced me to the world of coaching because my company would have women of power, events and bring in life coaches to talk to us.

Speaker 1: 11:06

Interesting, because I keep wondering. Honestly, before I started podcasting, I'm not sure I ever heard of life coaches or what have you, and then all of a sudden it was like everybody is a coach and I'd been sort of in the you know, in the closet with this stuff. So of course, you defined yourself as a happiness coach. So, and she is a very happy person. Everybody, as I mentioned, she's funky and she's enthusiastic and she wears a smile on her face. But how did you go from this sales environment into being a happiness coach?

Speaker 2: 11:55

So I didn't start my life coaching and call myself or identify myself as a happiness coach. I really started as an empty nest coach. My focus was that at the stage that I had been doing all these new scary they were scary I was out of my comfort zone. During the I think it was a full I want to say full three to four years that I really worked at this business and built a team and I was one of the top leaders in the company. I always say it was my friend, brian, who saw the speaker within me. He said I think you need to go on stage and start to speak. I'm like who, what? And I loved it, loved it.

Speaker 2: 12:32

So I was presenting and I realized there were so many of my friends who were all getting ready to have partial or full empty nests and so many women were sad and scared and I was sad. I missed my daughter. My daughter was the first to go. You know, back then my son wouldn't get a manicure with me. I think now I could convince him to do it and I just wanted to support those moms. I wanted to dare them to step out of their comfort zone, even if they were nervous and scared and it made them uncomfortable and get made them uncomfortable to get comfortable being uncomfortable because the other side of the discomfort, the other side of the fear, my God, it's just you. Somebody said this recently to me dare to do what you want to do, even if you feel scared to do it because it might not turn out. If there's a person you're going to meet, yourself on the other side, you're going to love her.

Speaker 1: 13:25

Speaking of loving and people who obviously love you and what you do. How did you go about building this community?

Speaker 2: 13:35

So okay. So when I decided I wanted to become a life coach, I knew it wasn't a one-on-one practice I wanted. I didn't want one-on-one coaching, I knew it would be community. Community has been a big part of my life. I've always had friends. I've been all different types of friendship circles and, um, I went to hear a woman speak locally here in my Philadelphia area about her book.

Speaker 2: 13:59

It's called I Dare Me and how she dared to do something new every day for a year to get unstuck. It's a great book. Her name is Luanne Kahn. She is my DARE mentor. She is the reason she named it for me.

Speaker 2: 14:12

I sat there and I thought I'm daring. Oh my God, I'm a mom who dares. I went home, I sat there and I thought I'm daring. Oh my God, I'm a mom who dares. I went home. I had a Facebook group for something else that wasn't really doing anything and I changed the name of the Facebook group to Moms who Dare and I started putting posts out there. Who wants to go to a movie at 10 o'clock in the morning? Who wants to go on a hike? Who wants to go walk around the zoo? Just doing new, different things that maybe we haven't done in a while and a core group of women started showing up at events and just through word of mouth, through Facebook's algorithm sometimes it works in your favor the Facebook group started growing and I'm like this is it. It's a community, moms who Dare and a membership spinoff. The membership is going to be the business and we are going to dare to embark on new and different things together.

Speaker 1: 15:03

Well, talk to me about the dares. I know at the conference. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you presented or discussed maybe five dares. Was that right? Yeah, maybe five dares was that right. And one of them you've already mentioned, which is sitting in a quiet place being mindful, listening to your thoughts, to your fears, your joys, and trying to get a more focused view of where you stand and perhaps where you want to go. What are some of the other dares.

Speaker 2: 15:38

So I want to be clear also, jane, that daring doesn't have to be ziplining, it doesn't have to be talking out of an airplane, although a group of nine of us went ziplining at a local kids' zoo. That's how we were, like we're not going to a highway, we're going to go to the chicken zoo and go ziplining. It was amazing, but I did. When you, when you met me at the conference, I talked about five dares that can boost your mood and overall wellbeing, and not because I say so, but because there's science and research behind it. I'm not going to geek out on that, I'm not a science research person, but it's there for you if you want to Google it. But so, for example, I talked about play in the beginning.

Speaker 2: 16:16

Play is a big one. We forget as adults that it's okay to play. The world is such a challenging place these days. It's loud, it's negative, it can be all of that, so we could forget to play and be really serious and walk around tight and angry in a state of this contraction. But play. When was the last time you played a board game? Last summer I had a friend's daughter say I was at her house. She was like Jo, do you want to play Yahtzee. I'm like I love Yahtzee. When was the last time you played a game? When was the last time you how many times I ask you this how many times do you drive by a playground in your area? Next time, dare to pull in, go sit on the swing and swing Might give you a little vertigo if you're my age, I'm just saying. But you can also go down the sliding board.

Speaker 1: 17:05

Exactly, and if you don't fit in the sliding board, you can just have some kid behind you. Just give you a very forceful push.

Speaker 2: 17:13

Yes, but play has a lot of benefits. I didn't even think about the benefits that play had until I was really doing some research for the talk I gave you. But play, it brings you joy. It lets you momentarily let go of your daily worries and responsibilities. You get out of your head and you're just into your body. When you're playing Yahtzee, not thinking about what you're doing tomorrow, you're looking at the dice. You're like come on. When you're playing Yahtzee, not thinking about what you're doing tomorrow, You're looking at the dice, You're like come on, give me a straight. I need a small straight. It can open you up to new perspectives and foster connection and creativity.

Speaker 1: 17:44

And it's just damn fun, and it's fun, and I do have another one.

Speaker 2: 17:49

You want me to share another one? Sure, okay, this one I love no-transcript. You see a rainbow in the sky. Everybody goes, oh, a rainbow. And then we move on.

Speaker 2: 18:30

Stop, savor the good for 20 seconds. So if it's not something you're seeing in the moment but you're sitting there thinking you know what Something good was. I got a call from Jane and she invited me to be a guest on her show and after we logged off, I sat there and I'm like that was really good and you savor how you feel for 20 seconds. So look for the good. There's good in everything, even in the mess I call. There's gifts in the mess people. It's out there. Look for the good and savor it for at least 20 seconds.

Speaker 2: 19:03

And then the final part of that is that go for a three to one ratio from positive to negative, because we're wired to hold on to the negative experiences longer than we are the positive. So whenever there's something negative that pops up, find three positives to. Can't fly out that one negative, so that's another really good. Dare to do is intentionally look for the good. It changes. All of this has the ability to change the neural pathways of your brain, boost your confidence, decrease stress, decrease worry. Ways of your brain. Boost your confidence, decrease stress, decrease worry, and decreasing stress and worry is beneficial to your health and wellness.

Speaker 1: 19:41

And it's going to help you live a lot longer. I'm just reading a new book called Ageless Aging and what's fascinating is that there used to be and I'm not sure I'm getting the percentages correct, but it used to be that the ability to change was dictated by your genetic code and your ability to change in terms of lifestyle and eating and stress reduction and exercise was significantly less. Now they have discovered that it's switched completely and that 70% is what the impact we can have on being happy, on enjoying our lives, on diminishing stress and on living longer. And for a lot of the listeners who are in my age group and I turn 79 next month and it's like I don't believe it, but that's a whole other story. I look at older women that I've had the opportunity to be friends with or to interview and it's like these women are fabulous, just fabulous. You want to talk about kicking stereotypes to the curb. That'll work.

Speaker 2: 21:06

You know, jane, can I just tell you something, Because you just said something very important when you just gave out those statistics and 70% we can affect, and all it is might not be easy, but it's simple is adopting some of these. We call them habits, practices, strategies, tools, whatever you want Mike Lane make intentionally laughing more, bringing laughter into your life, smiling more, looking for the good. These are all ways, simple ways.

Speaker 1: 21:38

Did you talk about or am I misremembering something about walking down the street and smiling or saying, oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:49

It's like smile. That was my dare number one for you all at the conference Smile, smile. You cannot do it right now if you're listening. Smile and try and be angry. You can't. And smiling, absolutely, absolutely, the mere act of smiling, can lift your mood, lower your stress, boost your immune system and possibly, they say, even prolong your life. Lower your stress, boost your immune system and possibly, they say, even prolong your life. It spurs a chemical reaction in the brain and it releases dopamine and serotonin. All of that is healthy for you and it's infectious and I love to laugh.

Speaker 1: 22:29

You know, I love those deep belly aches. Where you please, you're pleading with the other people to please stop, please stop. I cannot. And then the benefits it feels as if I don't know. You've gone to a self whatever health convention and you've done everything and you've talked to people. Well, this lasts longer, honestly, and I wish I could do it more. So you talked about smiling. We've talked about play. We've talked about sitting quietly and being mindful and listening. What else you got?

Speaker 2: 23:09

Well, we just talked about laughing. Laughing is one. Find ways to laugh. If you're going to scroll endlessly on social media, choose to watch comedians. Choose to watch the funny little baby videos that make you laugh, the animal videos. Absolutely choose to do that. If you're going to scroll, scroll with intention to make yourself laugh, because laughing again releases good hormones. It releases good hormones. So let's see we have. Smile, laugh, play, looking for the good and being. Those are five simple dares. But here's the thing.

Speaker 2: 23:43

Jim Rohn I mentioned earlier, was a thought leader. I was introduced to my very first one. He's no longer in this world, but he has a saying easy to do, easy not to do. In his book it said just think about it. If eating an apple a day would keep the doctor away, why don't we eat an apple a day? So if smiling, if just smiling more, and when I say that, smile on the phone, Smile when you talk on the phone, and if you're in sales, you'll close more sales, Promise you. Smile when you look in the mirror. It's connection, it's contagious. You'll have one or two people look at you like you're strange. The next time somebody cuts you off in traffic, smile. Smile, Because really you're going to get angry, raise your blood pressure, get stressed. That person is long gone and yet you're sitting here letting that upset you.

Speaker 1: 24:31

No, Life's too short, Smile and you talk about self-talk and you've alluded to it a bit, but I wonder if you can let us know exactly what you mean by that and how we can affect self-talk.

Speaker 2: 24:47

It's the inner dialogue that we have with ourselves. It's, you know, there are, we have. I think research says that we have up. We can have up to 60,000 thoughts a day, and women that's why we're so tired Tell me about it. And if we're having 60,000 thoughts a day, conscious and unconscious, we don't know about all the thoughts and up to 80% of them can be negative and up to 95% can be on repeat the same thoughts we had yesterday, the day before, the day before.

Speaker 2: 25:17

So thoughts like I'm fat, how many of us go through the mirror and you even just think it? And that's self-talk and that self-talk is not serving you well. And so the first step in understanding your self-talk, so that you can then create shifts to more positive, self-serving, serving self-talk and, by the way, this is not toxic positivity. You're allowed to be upset, you're allowed to be angry, you can get down. Everything that I share is to help you bounce back quicker from life challenges, to increase your resilience, so that when you get hit and you're sad, you can then move through the sadness quicker than you did yesterday. So, with your self-talk, the first thing is with everything is awareness, pay attention for 48 hours. I usually say a week, but just two days pay attention to the things you think, the things you say out loud to yourself and in the conversations with other people. How many times do you use the word I have to, I should, I'm just not Pay attention. And after you pay attention, you will know how it sounds to not talk nicely to yourself and then ask yourself would you say that same thing to your child or your best friend? And this is a really short version of it.

Speaker 2: 26:43

And then the simplest way to begin cleaning up your self-talk and creating a shift which, by the way, will also increase your confidence, will increase your overall well-being, will improve your relationships, start with simple I am statements. Make a list of three to five words that you think best describe you that you know best. Describe you that you know best. Describe you. Don't. I am honest, I am fun, I am loyal. And make those I am statements available for you to look at and read out loud twice a day, once in the morning, once at night, so that when the negative comes in, you'll recognize the negative and you'll be able to replace it. But no, I am this, I am that. And it can quiet down the negative self-talk to eventually you catch it quicker and then you have to start questioning it.

Speaker 2: 27:36

It's called T-A-L-K. Take notice, acknowledge it. Okay, there is the I'm not smart thing coming up. That was my thing. I'm not smart, take notice, acknowledge it, learn from it. I wonder why I was just thinking that and then kick it out with something more affirming.

Speaker 2: 27:57

Do you remember, um, at our conference we were, there was a panel and there was a woman in her 80s and and she said this quote, and this goes to self-talk your body knows what your mind is thinking. Now I'm 58. I have aches and pains. I have aches and pains. It happens. I mean, my gosh, 58 years of pounding on my body and yet don't say to me oh, just wait till you're 70 or just wait till you're 80. Don't say that to me, because you know what. I have aches and pains and I can move through them and I can adjust my life and still have an amazing life. Be careful what you say to yourself and I love that she said that that your body knows what your mind is thinking. It's powerful people, there's energy there. So mind yourself, talk. Use my talk method.

Speaker 1: 28:50

Read positive, feed yourself positive things, feed yourself positive, let people know, please, about your podcast and about your website and about your community.

Speaker 2: 29:05

Oh, thank you Jane. Yes, the podcast is called Beyond Empty Nest because there is. I heard somebody use the word beautiful beyond, so I'm using it. There is a beautiful beyond after your kids leave. There is, and I know those of you that are those of us that live it. But Beyond Empty Nest and everything you can find out about me is at JodiSilvermancom. The community is called Moms who Dare. We live on Facebook and I have a spin-off membership, but the Moms who Dare Facebook group is a really great supportive great, and there's women ages 45 in there and there's women ages over 70 in the group.

Speaker 1: 29:42

I still feel what I experienced for the first three weeks after my only child, son, went off to Syracuse University. I remember walking by his bedroom and just sobbing. I would be in the car and I'd hear a favorite song and sob and then about three weeks later I woke up and I said I'm free, I'm free, I don't have to worry about him getting his homework done or writing the essay for the college application or coming in at curfew and not in the. I don't have to worry about that. And that was such an exhilarating experience. But honestly, I still remember the pain and the sadness. I mean, it's real.

Speaker 2: 30:37

Well, I have an episode on the podcast called Emptiness. Grief is Real. It is real, and yet you did something, a strategy that I tell women to do Feel the emotions, be sad and then look around and find the three positives. There you go. I don't have to cook dinner anymore, I don't have to watch them and please them for their homework, and I don't have to be woken up at two in the morning because of curfew. There you go.

Speaker 1: 31:00

I'd like your list similar to mine but, as you know, it was a million million years ago. But when I was getting ready to talk with you today and I was remembering and it was like, yeah, it can be a toughie, but it's also a great learning experience, just as you said. Is there anything else you would like to share?

Speaker 2: 31:23

Just that. I think what you're doing is wonderful. I love your show, I love that you invited me. And just mind your self-talk. Become self-aware of your self-talk. You're never too old to mind your self-talk. There's a saying in the entrepreneur world new level, new devil. Every year of life, every month of life can change. Everything can shift and change. There's always challenges, there's always obstacles. There's always good things as well, and with that comes checking in on your self-talk. And if you could just mind your self-talk and spend the day smiling or looking for the good, you're off to a good start. You're off to a really good start.

Speaker 1: 32:02

I'm looking for the good. You're off to a good start. You're off to a really good start. I'm looking for the good as I'm looking at you. I deeply appreciate you spending this time with me. Thank you very, very much. Thanks, jean. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Older Women and Friends and speaking of friends. Please tell yours about this podcast and if you have any suggestions for future episodes or guests or anything else you'd like to share, go to speakpipecom. That's S-P-E-A-K-P-I-p-e dot com. Forward slash. Older women and friends. You can send me an audio message or respond to one of mine, because it is your feedback that drives this podcast. Until next time, thank you.